October 16th, 2008
I’ve got too many records – and I’m talking Vinyl here and that’s a F.A.C.T. Been collecting them since 1974. I didn’t have an income back then seeing as I was still at school so it was a slow start but as the unrelenting passage of time progressed, the mountain of vinyl grew. My parents were first to notice that my room was under siege from an ever expanding collection. Mother, in particular, was the most vocal - her main concern was that the wallpaper had started disappearing behind stacks of albums. Always albums by the way; I wasn’t a singles kind of guy.
The music papers at the time were full of adverts, announcing the release of various exotic rock records that I could never hope to own simply because I couldn’t afford more than two a week…that was until I discovered that you could buy second hand albums in used stores. It was that discovery that really increased my consumption. Hitting all the right stores in London meant that - with what amounted to small change - I could afford to acquire the most obscure and exotic music. But the real mind blowing realisation was that, if I didn’t like the music I could then recycle them back to the store for credit notes allowing me to walk away with even more records.
When I found gainful employment, the habit kicked in big-time. Forget Heroin, the lure and desire for collecting music totally dwarfed that sort of addiction. For me, it was all about hearing the latest sounds, scoring records that nobody in my immediate circle had ever heard before or even seen. It felt good. I was the king of my world. It felt like a rocket ride to the stars. Hard rock, heavy metal, pop rock, progressive rock, psych rock, adult orientated rock, soft rock…I wanted it all and I made sure I got an almost permanent fix.
Meanwhile back in the bedroom I had big problems developing. Hastily erected shelving creaked above my head. Posters had to be taken down to make way for further shelf construction. Even the inner workings of the bed-base had been modified to accept a stash of vinyl. My parents organised an intervention of sorts. They sat me down and talked me through the consequences of my ‘habit’. They said it was not only ruining me but that it was destroying them and their house. I had to agree, to a point. They tabled a compromise. Father would purchase and erect a garden shed – a self contained timber outhouse of a size that would comfortably house the collection. This was worrying. Sheds don’t have heating and the weather in London for at least six months of the year, especially back in the seventies, was damp and cold. This could spell disaster but like any dutiful son sitting at the feet of his parents in the midst of a terrible dark expose, I agreed to agree. After all, I had no money (my pitiful savings had long been exhausted buying vinyl) with which to flounce off and build a new life.
The shed was built and the records were transferred to their new home. A low powered torch provided light during dark spells and I spent many a happy evening re categorizing stock; UK prog rock A-Z. Maple Leaf Mayhem bottom row. US hard rock in pride of place - dead center and top. The shed was full from the get-go and it wasn’t long before the bedroom started to accommodate further deposits. Ma and Pa pleaded with me to stop coming home with more records. Like a junkie I started to invent stories of how they came into my possession – a friend had given them to me. I found them in the dumpster. The store was giving them away free. I said all and anything to fend off the constant barrage of guilt.
It then got serious. I planned trips to the record stores based around departure and arrival times of my parents just so that they wouldn’t actually see goods enter the house. I’d hide records in the bush outside and wait for an appropriate moment to sneak out and retrieve them. I even bought a huge ‘Crombie’ style overcoat for the pure and simple reason that it provided excellent concealment with lining unstitched at appropriate places along the seams. The whole charade was doing my head in but I still kept up the pretence that nothing un towards was occurring. Of course they knew differently.
And then, like the great San Francisco earthquake, the inevitable happened…
One day the shed could take the strain no more and one end fell off. Records were strewn all over the lawn. Our cat sat on a copy of ‘Sad Wings Of Destiny’. My father went nuts. My mother had to lie down. It was the Mack Daddy of all catastrophes and it was the moment that convinced me to finally move out and find my own way in life. I salvaged what I could, which was a lot, boxed up and shipped out; me and my record collection at the gates of delirium. Of course it all worked out fine in the end but for one moment I thought my life, as I knew it, was over and out. In a strange way it had only just started…







